I Don't Want to Be Loved

Rihannan felt scared upon hearing Igor’s confession.

Igor looked at her carefully, searching into account any detail, just in case the news made Rihannan faint.

“Since a long time ago my mother’s had great interest in creating a huge nation capable of fighting against the Toulouse Empire. To achieve that, she wanted to unite Chrichton and Arundell under the same banner. That’s why she committed that terrible crime…”

“But… those were also the Queen Mother’s relatives. How could she…?”

“I’ve told you before, have I not? My mother is someone capable of extreme cruelty… even to the people close to her”.

Rihannan remembered the words he’d said to her in the carriage, after returning from the Queen Mother’s Palace. She felt breathless. She realized Igor hadn’t just said those words to keep her away from the Queen Mother.

“Then… that time… since she was already like that…”

“This time, she can’t do anything. She’s lost her will and the power to commit that crime. I’ve also made sure she’ll never be able to do that again”.

“…I see”.

Rihannan held onto her skirt, clearly agitated. She couldn’t decide if this was good or not. In any case, people wouldn’t die like in the past, and Dimitri would not be forced to become king, so…

All was good.

“However, Chrichton’s Crown Prince will abdicate his position, regardless if the poisoning happens or not”.

Upon his sudden words, she looked at him. “What do you m-…”

“Nobody’s told you anything, but right now the current Crown Prince is in a complicated position. His bad governance seems more tyrannical, and instead of apologizing, he’s blaming some other nobles. Besides, a noble’s daughter has recently passed away due to his acts. Many nobles are furious because of this, and they are wondering what would be an appropriate punishment for his crimes”.

“So he’s done something terrible again!”

Though he didn’t give out any details, Rihannan immediately knew what he wanted to say. Igor stared at Rihannan in silence. She glared at him, enraged.

“That man’s always been like that. Since he can have whatever he wants, there’s nothing that can frighten him. I’ve been able to live safely all this time thanks to Princess Helena, but when they were about to take me to you in her stead, he tried to rape me. His goal was to dishonor me to insult you. He stopped when I said I would personally carry out the negotiation”.

Igor’s face paled, turning rigid. Rihannan made fun of his expression.

“You shouldn’t complain about what he did. There’s no difference between you and the Crown Prince, as you both are intoxicated with power. After all, you seize anything you want through force. In any case, I do not wish to speak of this matter any further, so let’s stop. Since now I know nothing will happen to Dimi in the future, that matter isn’t important anymore”.

She was about to finish their conversation when he spoke.

“It will matter”.

“What do you mean?”

“The one who controls the people conspiring to take down the Crown Prince is your cousin. I’m sure that the Crown Prince has already realized that as well. That there’s someone else behind Prince Ivan”.

Rihannan lips trembled. She knew Dimi was actively involved in politics and acted as the de facto Crown Prince. After all, knowing his personality, he couldn’t tolerate the Crown Prince’s behavior. Nevertheless, she didn’t think he’d be involved in this.

“Why would Dimi go that far…?”

Rihannan suddenly knew the answer. The reason why Dimitri got involved in politics and was actively seeking to take down the Crown Prince was… her. He couldn’t sit back and see the Crown Prince seeking war between Chrichton and Arundell, thus endangering Rihannan’s life.

In her past life, Dimitri had confessed to her that, had he not gotten directly tangled up in the fight for the throne, he would have left everything behind and run away, living a secret life. Back then, the reason why he didn’t do so was that, if he did, many people around him would die, his uncle included.

Now, the reason why he’d gotten involved had changed. Now it was because of his cousin, Rihannan.

Looking at her face filled with worry, Igor opened his mouth. “No need to worry. If he needs it, I’ll gladly give him a hand. Of course, it would be hard for me to give him aid directly”.

“When did I ever say anything about you helping him?”

Rihannan replied brusquely. She didn’t come here because Dimitri needed help. She was there because she wanted a certain situation to be avoided. She didn’t want to hear any charity from Igor. Especially coming from someone who’d once murdered her.

“Do not concern yourself regarding our situation again. Dimi does not need your help, nor do I”.

“Rihannan…”

Igor reached out for her arm, but she swatted his hand violently. Igor didn’t dare reach for her hand again, and instead tightened his fist.

“There’s something… you need to know about. It’s about your past. And your sister, in this lifetime”.

“Why are you telling me that? I’m sure I’ve already told you to do whatever you want”.

“Rihannan, please, listed to what I have t-…”

“If you want to explain the situation, you should have done so back then!” Rihannan’s eyes filled with tears. “After seeing you two deeply embracing each other in this place, I ended up falling down the stairs and losing my baby. At least you should have come to me that day and admitted you’ve made a mistake. But not only did you not come to see me, you made soldiers arrest me and throw me in jail. And you are saying now, without an ounce of shame, that you want to explain the situation? How dare you…”

One she opened her eyes after losing conscience, the baby in her womb had died. Even then, Rihannan only wished for the man she both loved and hated to give her some blatant excuse once more. However, whenever she asked for Igor, the servants would only shake their heads with a worried expression.

“The moment I needed you the most, you threw me away and crushed me with your feet”.

She wanted to share the pain of losing a family member with someone, but whenever she desperately needed them, they avoided her. Her father, too, just like her husband.

The tears that were falling down her cheeks quickly soaked her entire face. Seeing her face, Igor couldn’t say a a single word.

His purple eyes filled with pain and sorrow. He reached his hand, as though he wanted to dry the Queen’s tears, but Rihannan shook her head, avoiding his touch. When she wanted to exist the room, Igor blocked her path. She tried walking around him, but he firmly grasped the door’s handle.

“Step aside. I have nothing left to say, and I don’t want to hear anymore from you”.

Igor spoke hurriedly. “Alright. I will not force you to listen to what I have to say, but I’ll go call Basil so he may safely escort you back. Please, go back with him”.

“I can do that on my own”.

“You can do whatever you want, but I will not stay here with my arms crossed, hurting myself like I did in the past”. Igor whispered, as if he were threatening her. “And from now on, you cannot walk alone. Wherever you go, you must make sure you are with Mrs. Cessly. If people see you wandering off on your own again, I’ll have no choice but to limit the scope of places you can go to, like I did in the past”.

I bet you can’t stand the thought of the baby being harmed, rather than worrying about my safety.

Swallowing the words that never left her mouth, Rihannan dried her tears with the back of her hand. Soon, Basil was summoned into the room. When he read that the mood between the two of them was completely different from what he’d expected, he looked down. Nonetheless, when Igor ordered him to escort the Queen back to her Palace, he obeyed without complains.

Rihannan kept pouring silent tears nonstop on her way back. If it’d been like her past life, Basil would be chatting with her merrily, but this time, all he could do was anxiously follow behind her. When the Queen reached the Queen’s Palace, Basil finally spoke.

“My queen, please, stop crying. Please…”