I Don't Want to Be Loved

This time, he called her name again in real life, not in his past life memories. His eyes moved in the dark but couldn’t see anything. Since there was no response, Igor’s faith started vanishing.

He was too late, again. Did he repeat his past life mistakes? Was it foolish to bring her back to life again, just to let her die again with the same anguish…?

Creak…

Igor heard something behind him and quickly turned around. The faint light that was coming from the opened door allowed him to faintly see. When his eyes finished adjusting to the dark, he could tell that there was a pile of something, possibly wood, on the floor. He could also see the silhouette of a person sitting against the wall. It was Rihannan.

“…”

He was looking at her with his own eyes, but he couldn’t believe it. He had pictured her lying on the floor, dead, too many times, so seeing her alive felt like an hallucination.

“Rihannan?”

He approached her, stunned. He could see that there were scratches on her hand. Rihannan followed his gaze and simply shrugged.

“…I was just trying to break this.”

Finally, Igor realize what she’d been doing. Just like she said, she had been attempting to tear apart a corner of the wooden cabin.

“I thought that the rotten wood from this side of the cabin would be weak enough for me to tear open, so I could escape…”

“That man… he said he gave you poison and…”

Hearing his words, Rihannan simply muttered “ah” and, as though remembering its existence, she took a small crystal bottle from her pocket.

“I did take it, but I didn’t drink from it. Well, I was going to, but…” Rihannan let out a long sigh. “Before drinking from it, I remembered the words you said to me.”

“What…?”

“You said I should believe in you this time.”

Just before drinking the poison, Igor’s voice had resonated in her head. He’d asked her to place her faith on him. What’s more, he also promised in front of her mother’s grave that he’d protect her regardless of the cost.

Rihannan didn’t want to experience a painful death again, but if she didn’t drink the poison, she’d have an even worse ending burning alive inside the cabin. That’s why she’d tried blocking Igor’s voice out of her mind, but she just couldn’t bring herself to drink the poison. It was as though she’d been hypnotized by his words.

“That’s why, I thought I should find a way to escape this place.”

Rihannan made the conscious decision of living, regardless of what might happen in the future. That’s why she made up her mind of trying, rather than simply waiting around. She touched around the walls till she would a place that smelled of rotten wood. Once she began digging with her fingers, the wood that had been consumed by the humidity easily crumbled in her hands.

“I was busy trying to destroy the wood when I hear noises outside. That’s why I sat silently and waited. I thought that if someone came through the door, I could use that opportunity to escape. I actually didn’t think it would be you who barged in, but since you were calling my name…”

Rihannan couldn’t finish her sentence since Igor quickly approached her and knelt in front of her.

“Igor?”

He took a handkerchief from his pocket and ripped it in half. Then, he carefully wrapped the cloth around Rihannan’s hand, which was bleeding from tearing to wood. She wanted to say that it wasn’t really necessary, but couldn’t say anything after seeing Igor’s face.

Once he was done bandaging Rihannan’s hand, Igor placed both his hands on his wife’s cheeks and lowered his head.

“Ha….”

He let out a long, relieved sigh. When Rihannan saw his shoulders shaking uncontrollably, she realized the whirlwind of emotions that were crossing his mind.

“…Thank you.” He said, his voice low and barely containing his emotions. “Thank you for waiting for me this time… for not dying…”

His words were charged with despair and remorse. Rihannan realized what he actually meant to say.

“…did you really go to my prison back then? After I’d died from poison… to save me?”

Igor bit his lips and nodded his head.

“But Leticia said that you gave the order to have me executed the next d-…”

Only then did the truth dawn in her mind. It was all a lie. Leticia had lied to her.

Leticia would constantly place Rihannan in difficult situations because of her lies. Leticia used to lie about Rihannan to her father, so she could further weaken their father-daughter bond. She would usually lie to frame the servants she didn’t like.

Even though she knew of Leticia’s habits, she foolishly fell for that very last lie.

“It was all a lie.”

Tears flowed down her eyes. She couldn’t help letting out a sigh while she silently cried. She still couldn’t believe that she’d made such foolish decision in her past life.

“Why… would I believe such foolish…”

“Rihannan”. Igor grabbed her in his arms. She placed her cheek on his chest while he caressed her hair. “It wasn’t your fault, but mine.”

“No. It all happened because I’d been stupid. She didn’t even have to force me to drink the poison, I did it myself willingly. How stupid of me!”

Igor did not like her self-derogatory words. He couldn’t allow her to place the blame on herself.

“In the first place, you were placed in prison because of me. My incompetence and stupidity took you to your death.”

His words were filled with angst and despair. Silently, Igor placed his head on her shoulder and wept. Rihannan could feel his tears drenching her shoulder. When he spoke, his voice was charged with remorse.

“I should have explained everything to you and beg for your forgiveness. I’m sorry. I can only do that now.”

Since Igor didn’t explain everything to her, Rihannan could only guess that, just like she’d caused many misunderstandings between them, the same thing must have applied to Igor.

Thus, she could not blame him any further.

Rihannan reached out her hand and caressed Igor’s head. She started thinking… her past life was filled with misunderstandings, but there were also cruel truths that she wasn’t aware of.

“…when we go back to the Palace, please explain everything to me. Everything that happened between us in the past.” Rihannan whispered in his ear.

Igor tightened his arms around her waist. “Alright. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. I won’t hide a thing.”

“My Queen!”

Suddenly, someone barged hurriedly inside the cabin, yelling at the top of his lungs. Basil’s expression was anxious as he scanned the room. As soon as his eyes landed on the couple, his face split in a huge grin. Basil smiled happily while crying his eyes out, cleaning the snot running down his nose with his sleeve.

“I’m so happy… I was fearing the worst but it seems like I was worried for nothing.”

This happy scene made Igor think… six years ago, the three of them were in a similar situation, but the outcome had been completely changed. Had the made a single mistake, the past tragedy would have occurred again.

When they left the cabin, the outside battle had concluded as well. Danil and his henchmen committed suicide by cutting their own necks. It seemed like they’d planned on doing this since the beginning if anything went awry.

Igor left Basil to deal with their corpses and took Rihannan back to the Palace. None of them said anything while they were traveling inside the carriage, however, Igor gripped Rihannan’s hand tightly on the whole journey back, as though he couldn’t relax unless there was some sort of physical connection between them.