I Don't Want to Be Loved

Rihannan’s jaw slowly opened.

“When you say, ‘a chance to end this marriage’…”

“You never wanted to marry me in the first place. You were forced into it because the Crown Prince threatened to kill your cousin if you didn’t.”

“But why are you giving me this? This marriage will automatically end in a year, anyways.”

Their contractual marriage had a time period clearly stipulated. Rihannan couldn’t understand why he was giving her a choice right now.

“If you want to end this marriage, then you don’t need to wait for the time to be up to do so. I’ll make sure you leave this country safely first thing tomorrow if you so wish it.”

“Then… what will happen to the baby I’m carrying…?”

Rihannan’s voice faded. Her eyes darted to the contract clauses. There, she herself agreed on leaving all rights concerning the child to Igor if she were to get pregnant. With the opportunity he was giving her, she’d be able to flee and hide somewhere far, far away, and he’d never be able to claim his rights over the child ever again.”

“I’m giving this contract to you. You can burn it, rip it to pieces… it’s up to you. If you do that, you’ll be free from your obligations, and all rights concerning the child will naturally be passed over to you.”

“Are you saying I can take my baby and leave?”

“Yes.”

He nodded. Rihannan looked at him, stunned. As far she knew, Igor wanted a successor more than anything else in the world. It was hard to think of Royal Families willing to give up their heir so easily. To Royalty, each and every family member was extremely valuable, so she could not understand the reasons why Igor was doing this.

“Why are you giving me this choice?”

“I’ve told you already. You were originally forced to come here against your will, so I’m giving you choice. I’m giving you the chance to decide for yourself.” Igor shifted his gaze elsewhere while he continued speaking. “I rushed things because I wanted to have you here. I was wrong. I mistakenly thought that if I brought you here, everything would be alright. That the way I did things didn’t matter at all. But now I’ve learned that I took decisions that weren’t mine to take in the first place. I was wrong, and you almost died because of me. I can’t guarantee that such a thing won’t happen again. So… I’m leaving the last decision to you.”

Igor kept his mouth shut for a while before finally finishing. “Choose. Choose whether you want to stay here or leave with the child.”

Rihannan’s mind felt numb as she was plunged in deep confusion. Not long ago she had definitely wished with all her heart to leave this place behind with her baby, safe and sound. After she collapsed last time, her obsession over her baby grew more and more. If time went on, her increasing love for her baby might force her to never leave this place. If he had given her the choice of leaving back then, it would have been incredible.

But… it was also true that his words had shaken her to her core. Now she knew that the things that had happened in her past were not as she’d thought. Igor was not to blame. He was another victim who’d suffered deeply, just like she did. Perhaps if she just scratched it all off and remained by his side, things would go well.

But, what would she gain with that?

Rihannan’s sight turned blurry. Whenever she saw him, memories from her past would continue coming back to her. What’s more, as long as she remained here, it’d be impossible to completely avoid the Queen Mother. Rihannan did not want to blame or hate the Queen Mother for crimes she literally did not commit in this life. Regardless, she knew that similar events would happen in the future. As Igor’s wife and Queen of Arundell, she’d always be exposed to danger.

More than anything, Igor’s mind was filled with guilt. He blamed himself for what happened to her in her past life, and he also blamed himself for what happened to her in this life.

Guilt. Remorse. Sympathy. Compassion.

Is there anything else left in Igor right now?

And also, he…

Rihannan bit her lips and lower her gaze silently.

“Thank you.”

instead of letting her emotions take control, she had to think carefully. When Rihannan thought of this, she reached a conclusion quite easily.

“Then I’ll leave as soon as possible once I’m done with some arrangements.”

Igor looked at Rihannan. He was stunned. His purple eyes shook terribly due to the commotion. When Rihannan saw that the cup of tea he was holding in one hand was tipping over to one side, spilling the tea, she quickly tried saying something but, in the blink of an eye, Igor lowered his cup and spoke.

“…Understood. Then, I’d be best if you contacted your relatives in Chrichton as soon as possible before leaving. Even if the Crown Prince is currently losing power, things might change and it may not be safe for you over there.”

“I’ll take care of that on my own. You must be quite busy with your own affairs as well, so there’s no need to worry about me.”

Igor’s lips trembled for a moment, as though he’d lost his ability to reply. He clumsily nodded his head.

“Alright. Go ahead, do it. Call me if you need any help as well.”

“I will.”

When their conversation came to an end, Igor slowly rose from his seat. Rihannan got up as well. Just when he was about to turn around, Rihannan spoke.

“I wish for you to stop feeling guilty of all that’s happened to me.”

Igor’s eyes focused intently on Rihannan. For some reason, she found it hard to look him back in the eye, so she averted her gaze.

“I don’t dislike you anymore, Igor. I’m grateful to you for letting me live my life again and leave this place with my baby.”

“Grateful…uh.”

While he bitterly mumbled to himself, Rihannan nodded her head.

“After all, you did put in a lot of effort in saving my life. I’ll make sure I do everything in my power to live a happy life from now on. I’m not completely alone anymore, after all.”

Rihannan placed a hand on her belly.

“Once this baby is born, I’ll only let him see and listen to the most wonderful things. I know I can’t stop the darkness of this world to reach him, but I’ll make sure that nothing bad or dangerous ever happens to this child.”

Rihannan smiled.

“We both had a terrible and unfortunate childhood, so I’ll make sure this baby has a wonderful life filled with love. So, please, do not worry.”

Igor looked at Rihannan for a while. Then, he said in a low whisper. “Alright, Rihannan.” He slowly turned his back. “I know you’ll do a good work.”

When he finally left the room, all strength left Rihannan’s body.

The cold tea and the marriage contract were the only things left in the room. The light scent of Igor’s cologne quickly vanished from the room once he left.

Rihannan realized that it had all come to an end, finally. She was now on her own. From now on, she’d have to get used to living without him.

“Everything will be alright.”

She whispered to herself many times, over and over. She had married Igor in the first place with one objective in mind. Now, all she had to do was follow her own plan. Yes, everything would turn out just the way she’d planned.

But for some strange reason, a weird feeling she couldn’t quite identify was swallowing her whole, like a tsunami. Her heart was hurting as though it’d been plunged into a dark hole.

Standing there alone, without being able to identify her own emotions, Rihannan let out a single tear.

Ten days later, she left the Palace. It all happened in the blink of an eye.